| I recently remembered a brilliant scheme devised by me and a couple chums of mine. If either of you to read this, you will instantly laugh and then hate me for revealing our plans, since the potential victim frequents my very own xanga.
This friend, we shall call him ... Bubba ... has parents. These parents apparently love the sauce, cuz they have a liquor cabinet to end all liquor cabinets. The three of us went to see a movie, with another who we ditched to discuss the plan. I shall give our little group some code names: The Space Pope, Gerbil, and Abadon. Our plan was as follows:
I, The Space Pope, would call Bubba, and ask him if he's free, which he is, and I shall proceed to invite myself over to shoot some paintball guns, or help with the tennis court we were remodeling, or whatever. Just something to get us both outside, and as far into his pasture as possible. Now, anyone who knows me knows I used to own the grandest of all vehicles, a 1991 Mercury Tracer station wagon. I would proceed to pick up Gerbil and Abadon, who would be waiting for me. They would hide in the back of my wagon, with several boxes I would have taken from the trash at McDonalds. Now, if I came over during the day, only he would be at the house. So, as long as I have him away from it, no one else would be in the house. It would not be locked, since they live in the BFE. I would arrive, and usually he's right there eagerly awaiting my arrival. Once we were out of sight in his pasture, Gerbil and Abadon would stop making out in the back of my wagon long enough to run inside, and fill the boxes with the alcohol, and return it to the back of my wagon. If there is no more room for them (which there might not be, the liquor might be that plentiful), they would simply start walking along the long road to Bubba's house, and I would pick them up on the way back. I would give them a good hour and half to do all of this, to ensure they have enough time to transport and cover the booze. Then, all I would have to do is drive away, liquor in tow. At least 300 dollars in liquor, ours. pwn.
Alas, this is not a real possibility anymore, being Bubba does not live with the parents anymore. So I felt this secret could be revealed. May my conscience be cleansed.
So put the sugar in the tank of the sheriff's car
And slash the deputy's tires so they won't get very far
When they finally get the word that there's been a hold up
-The Refreshments |
